ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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