I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
