kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
