I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
