OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
