If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
