How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
