I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
