I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
