Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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