found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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