Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
