I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Hippo gnu deer
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
