You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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