we have officially lost it.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
