More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Do you still have your period?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
