I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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