I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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