I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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