She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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