I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
