i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
