So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
