Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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