You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you will always have a special place in my vag
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
