i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
