Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
