dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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