i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
