Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
