brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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