Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
