never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
