apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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