Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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