Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
