She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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