They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
