There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
