Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
