I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
