remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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