we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
