she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
