So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize
