whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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