Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
