You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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