i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
