I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
