You smell like stripper and shame
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
